The Quest for Baby Mamma Jeans

The other day I had a sudden impulse to go try on maternity pants.  My normal pants still fit ok, but I wanted to see what my options are.  I’ve never delved very far into the maternity section of any store, so I was curious to see what I would find and what they’d feel like.

First stop:  Ross

Ross didn’t have much.  However, the merchandise at Ross tends to fluctuate, so it probably just depends when you go.  There were a few pairs of skinny jeans, along with some yoga pants and dress pants.  I tried on one pair of skinny jeans, but they were very meh.  The fit wasn’t great and they were a little shorter than I prefer.

Second stop:  Kohls

I looked high and low for the maternity section and it was nowhere to be found.  I conveniently gave up close to the baby clothes and decided to do a quick meander through when I happened upon an itty bitty maternity section nestled into a corner of the baby clothes section.  I got a “mom jean” vibe from most of the pants there, and there weren’t many pants in my size.  I did try on a pair of coral crops, but they didn’t really do anything for me. 

Third stop:  TJ Maxx

I searched diligently, but found no maternity clothes at this TJ Maxx.  None.  I looked pretty thoroughly.  Maybe they don’t ever carry maternity clothes, or maybe it’s something that comes and goes.

Fourth stop:  H&M

H&M had a pretty good selection of sizes and styles.  There were dark wash and greyish wash skinny jeans, but my calves proved to be no match for these skinnies, and they were ridiculously tight on me.  There were also five or six different colors and patterns of skinny jeans, but the fit was also too tight.  They had the potential to be really cute, but they just weren’t made for my legs.

Fifth stop:  The Gap

My coworker who is also pregnant has some really cute maternity pants from the Gap, but I was a little doubtful that they would fit in my budget.  I mean, it’s the Gap.  I was pleasantly surprised to find the same pants on sale, but when I tried them on they were that awkward inch-above-the-ankle length.  It was fourth grade all over again.  I continued to look, and I found another clearance rack of maternity pants.  I tried on a few pairs in my size and found that they ran pretty baggy and short.  Pregnant clown.  Dear me.  Back to the rack. 

And then I came across the lone pair of {the size which shall not be named} dark wash extra-long skinny jeans.  It went against every fiber of my being to even try {the size which shall not be named}.  It’s a size made for anorexic people and 11-year-olds.  It can’t be healthy to even try on.  They ended up being a near perfect fit, although slightly baggy in the butt.  I promise I’ve been eating.  They were plenty long, not too tight around the calves, and the fit was pretty acceptable.  And they were comfy.  They had an under-the-belly waistband rather than the bodysuit kind that goes all the way up to the armpits (I exaggerate, but they go way up there).  The under-the-belly kind feel more like sweatpants, which I like.  They were originally $70, but they were marked down to $35.  Booyah.

Thus, I purchased the anorexia maternity pants.  I have no regrets.  They’re comfy.  They’re belly-flattering.  Sorry, normal pants.  The anorexia maternity pants win.